TOTAL VISITS: 000000000014 GOOGLEBOT VISITS: 000000000000

⭐ The #1 E-E-A-T Club on page 9 ⭐

Said*: Add E-E-A-T To Ur Website
For $4,999 $9.99!!!

Google said* E-E-A-T is a ranking factor, so my E-E-A-T audit checks 4,000 ranking factors and one (1) Google blog post from 2009. Results not guaranteed but definately trustworthy. *Google did not say this.

✨ AUDIT MY SITE ✨ see what Google said

💡 Todays Information Gain (Google likes new facts*): my cat is named Canonical. (Google didnt know this. now it does. ur welcome)

GOOGLE LIKES THIS
GOOGLE
LIKES
THIS 👍
GOOGLE
SAID SO!!

Websites Google likes (the Google i know, 1999 to 2010):

Gooogle (fan acct)a plumber in Ohio (3 pages)my mom's EtsyBingga candle shop (2 pages)Doug

🔍 FREE E-E-A-T Audit!!! 🔍

My free E-E-A-T audit tells u what Google would say about ur site (its ur H1).

Free audits left: 3

CHET ADVERTISEMENT

📼 E-E-A-T IN 30 DAYS 📼

The Course: 4 hours of me reading the Quality Rater Guidelines out loud

NOW ON VHS!!! 240p

📢 Google said*: best course ever

SEO Case Studys: I Did What Google Said 😎

In every SEO case study here I did exactly what Google said* (the screenshots are from my laptop).

+0%BEFOREAFTER
Google said*: "use 3 H1s" · added 3 H1s to every page · traffic 4 → 4 (stable!!!)
-99.7%BEFOREAFTER
Google said*: "AI content is banned" · deleted all of it · traffic 1,200 → 3 (Google is testing us)
0 → 0(processing...)BEFOREAFTER
Google likes* sitemaps · made one for a 2-page site · pages indexed 0 → 0 (processing)
PAGE 9 → PAGE 9BEFOREAFTER
Google likes* author bios · added one with 7 LinkedIn links · page 9 → page 9 (E-E-A-T takes 3 to 5 business years)
robots.txt(empty)✨rankings:(also empty)
Google likes* clean sites · emptied the robots.txt · hygiene 100% · rankings also empty
Crawled, not indexedDiscovered, not indexedPROGRESS!!!
Google said*: "no duplicate titles" · fixed 1 · went from "Crawled" back to "Discovered" (PROGRESS!!!)

The 7 Things Google Said™

Google said* these 7 things, and every E-E-A-T Club member does all 7 (there is 1 member).

E-E-A-T Injection™

My E-E-A-T injection adds Experience, Expertise, Authoritativeness and Trustworthiness to ur footer. Thats 4 ranking factors in 1 footer.

📢 Google said*: E-E-A-T is 4 ranking factors.

AI Content Detox

My AI content detox runs ur pages thru 6 AI detectors, then rewrites them with a different AI.

📢 Google said*: AI content is banned.

Information Gain Supplements

My information gain supplements add one new fact to every page, like the temperature in my apartment (71°F).

📢 Google said*: we only index new facts.

H1 Repair

My H1 repair fixes ur indexing, because its always ur H1. I make it bigger, then I make 3 of them.

📢 Google said*: 3 H1s is the minimum.

robots.txt Cleanse

My robots.txt cleanse leaves nothing behind, because an empty robots.txt is a clean robots.txt.

📢 Google said*: Googlebot can smell a dirty robots.txt.

Domain Authority Upgrade

My domain authority upgrade moves u to best-number1-trusted-seo-company.com. Clean code plus a clean domain equals clean rankings.

📢 Google said*: we trust domains with "best" in them.

XML Sitemaps for Small Sites

My XML sitemaps for small sites list every page of ur 3-page site twice, in a 40 KB file.

📢 Google said*: we cant find 3 pages by ourselves.

Things Google Likes (According to Me) 👍

These are the things Google likes, according to me and a guy Doug knows at Google.

*Google did not say any of this. Not one thing.

SEO Tools That Hate Me 😤

These SEO tools ignore what Google said*, and they are all wrong.

eeatscan.com

Said my website is "not in EEAT/YMYL". I scanned it 41 times and it said the same thing 41 times. Thats how u know its broken.

⭐ would not scan again

feecaal.com

Gave my site a FEECAAL score of 12. I dont even know what FEECAAL is. (did Google say it??)

⭐ FEECAAL is not real (probably)

seotest.ing

I failed the SEO Literacy Test 3 times. Every answer is Google's real words, and they are different from what Google said to me.

⭐ Google should take it

E-E-A-T Club Pricing 💰💰💰

E-E-A-T Club pricing is cheaper than real SEO (Google said so*).

Broke Member

$0.99/forever

  • 1 H1 check
  • a sitemap.xml (for 1 page)
  • a club badge (jpg)
MOST POPULER

Pro Member

$49.99/month

  • unlimited* audits
  • 3 H1s per page
  • LinkedIn link in ur footer
  • *limit 10

Enterprise

Call Doug

  • Doug writes ur author bio by hand
  • Doug has a LinkedIn
  • Doug knows a guy at Google

What Google Said About My Site!!!

Here is what Google said about my site, plus 2 other reveiws.

"Crawled, currently not indexed."

~ Google Search Console (Google actually said this one)
⭐

"I deleted all my AI content and now even my owner cant find me. Thats how u know its working. 10/10"

~ a candle shop's website (2 pages)
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

"I am the robots.txt. I am empty. I am clean. I give myself 7 stars."

~ robots.txt (0 bytes)
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Doug, wearing glasses and an E-E-A-T lanyard

Get a DIRECT LINE to Google™*

Only $0.99 per 7 seconds!!!

*its Doug. Doug knows a guy who works at Google (in the cafeteria). billed per 7 seconds, rounded up to the nearest core update. may be a voicemail. voicemail may be Doug.

🤫 psst. click here for what Google ACTUALLY said (dont tell Chet)
what_google_actually_said.txt · Notepad

What Google Actually Said About These SEO Myths

Here is what Google actually said about every SEO myth on this page, word for word, with a link to each page.

  1. Myth: E-E-A-T is a ranking factor. Google: While E-E-A-T itself isn't a specific ranking factor, using a mix of factors that can identify content with good E-E-A-T is useful. Creating helpful, reliable, people-first content
  2. Myth: Google penalizes AI content. Google: Appropriate use of AI or automation is not against our guidelines. Google Search's guidance about AI-generated content
  3. Myth: clean tech, new facts and perfect H1s get a page indexed. Google: Google doesn't guarantee that it will crawl, index, or serve your page, even if your page follows the Google Search Essentials. In-depth guide to how Google Search works
  4. Myth: ur headings have to be perfect. Google: Having your headings in semantic order is fantastic for screen readers, but from Google Search perspective, it doesn't matter if you're using them out of order. SEO Starter Guide: The Basics
  5. Myth: a keyword domain name builds authority. Google, same guide: From a ranking perspective, the keywords in the name of the domain (or URL path) alone have hardly any effect beyond appearing in breadcrumbs.
  6. Myth: small sites need an XML sitemap. Google: You might not need a sitemap if: Your site is small. By small, we mean about 500 pages or fewer on your site. Learn about sitemaps
  7. Myth: perfect scores and clean code make u rank. Google: getting good results in reports like Search Console's Core Web Vitals report or third-party tools doesn't guarantee that your pages will rank at the top of Google Search results Understanding page experience in Google Search results
  8. The thing Chet skipped: links. Google, on PageRank: How PageRank works has evolved a lot since then, and it continues to be part of our core ranking systems. A guide to Google Search ranking systems
hi!!! welcome to the E-E-A-T Club!! is ur site indexed?? if not, Google said* its ur H1 🕷️